How do I ask whether we are exclusive?

If you want to know whether you’re exclusive, you need to ask directly. Don’t wait for hints. Don’t assume someone else will bring it up before you do.

Initiating the “Are we exclusive?” conversation is not just normal but essential in today’s world of situationships. A situationship is a relationship without clear labels, where you’re more than friends yet not officially a couple. While these undefined relationships can be freeing, they also create confusion and anxiety. That’s why getting clarity about exclusivity matters.

The first step is to understand your own feelings and what you want. Before you ask the question, reflect. Are you comfortable with the current arrangement? Are you seeking reassurance, or do you need boundaries for emotional or physical health reasons? Knowing this helps you frame your conversation from a place of self-awareness, not just insecurity.

Next, pick a calm, relaxed moment. Avoid asking when someone is distracted, stressed, or midway through something else. A casual dinner or a walk is often ideal. You could say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, and I feel things are going well. I wanted to check in—are we seeing other people, or is this just us?” Keep it honest, kind, and straightforward.

Be ready to hear an answer, not just the answer you want. Remember, the other person may need time to think or may have a different perspective. Listen—don’t argue or try to convince them during this discussion. If their answer doesn’t match what you want, give yourself permission to step away.

Why is directness so important? The biggest cause of anxiety in situationships is uncertainty. Our minds fill gaps with worst-case scenarios. Being honest gives both of you a chance to align your expectations and avoid future hurt. If you’re worried about scaring someone off, remember that anyone who runs away from a respectful question probably wasn’t prepared for a committed connection anyway.

If you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of having “the talk,” try writing your feelings down first. Organizing your thoughts on paper makes them less overwhelming when spoken. Practice with a friend if that helps. The point is not to script a perfect scene, but to feel secure in your needs.

Sometimes, people stay in situationships because they fear being alone or feel their lives are too chaotic to set boundaries. But seeking clarity is also a way to declutter your emotional life. Choosing honesty over ambiguity is self-care. You deserve to know where you stand.

Modern dating is confusing, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. notBf is an AI companion designed for young women in situationships. It supports you in gaining clarity about your feelings, your relationships, and your boundaries. If you’re looking for tailored advice on managing the uncertainty of today’s dating world, it offers the kind of personalized support a friend or therapist would—whenever you need it. In the world of modern dating, clarity is power.