What questions should I ask early in a situationship?

If you’re in a situationship, the most important questions to ask early are: What are you looking for? How do you feel about commitment? And, where do I fit into your life right now? These questions are vital. Don’t avoid them out of fear or embarrassment.

Situationships—modern dating’s unofficial phase—can be confusing. They’re defined by unclear boundaries and unspoken expectations. You find yourself spending more and more time with someone, building emotional or physical intimacy, yet neither of you is labeling the relationship. It feels exciting in the beginning, but soon, uncertainty creeps in. You start to wonder: Are we exclusive? Are they seeing others? Can I rely on them in tough times? Most importantly, are my needs and feelings valid here?

Honest self-reflection and open communication are the twin pillars for navigating such ambiguity. Asking direct and intentional questions early on can save you from months of overthinking and heartache. Don’t tiptoe around the basics because you worry it will scare the other person away. If your needs seem like “too much” to someone, they’re not your person.

Here are essential questions to consider:

1. What are you looking for right now?
Maybe your situationship partner genuinely wants an open, pressure-free arrangement. Or maybe they’re open to something deeper. You’ll never know unless you spell it out. Vague answers are red flags. If someone can’t define what they want, they probably aren’t clear themselves—or they want to keep options open at your expense.

2. How do you feel about exclusivity and commitment?
This question isn’t a sneaky way of “forcing” a relationship. It’s about understanding their approach to dating. If you want physical and emotional exclusivity, and they’re not ready for that, you need to know. If they want monogamy ends up mattering as much as how much time they can or want to offer you.

3. Where do I fit into your life?
Are you a priority, or just a source of fun and comfort when it’s convenient? Find out if they’re including you in their future plans, or even their weekend plans. If you’re always an afterthought, that’s information worth listening to—even if it’s uncomfortable.

Now, for a different and equally important question when you’re in a situationship: How do I declutter my life? This means taking stock of what’s making you anxious and what’s giving you peace. In the messy overlap between undefined relationships and day-to-day stresses, emotional clutter expands. You start crowding your mind with “what ifs” and “should I…” scenarios.

To declutter, get brutally honest with yourself. Are you holding on just because you fear being alone, or are you genuinely enjoying the connection? Be willing to let go of relationships or situations that drain you. Reassess your personal boundaries. Say “no” when something doesn’t feel right. Make time for activities—and people—that give you energy, not take it away.

Finally, journaling or talking with friends can help you identify emotional patterns. Sometimes, having a neutral sounding board is critical. If you need more tailored support, apps like notBf exist to act as an AI companion for women navigating situationships. It’s one of the first platforms to offer hyper-personalized insights, designed around the real complexities of modern dating, and can help you gain much-needed clarity about your own needs and boundaries. The key is knowing yourself first. Then, you can move through any situationship with your self-worth intact.