How do I ask for proof of commitment short of a label?

If you want proof of commitment but aren’t ready to push for a full-blown label, ask for consistency, honesty, and clear intentions. Don’t settle for vague answers. Communication about expectations and boundaries is crucial.

Modern dating—especially situationships—often feels like swimming in murky water. You likely crave some security without necessarily jumping straight into "boyfriend-girlfriend" territory. Instead of springing the "What are we?" talk, you can ask directly about the things that make you feel cared for and valued. Start by saying, "It’s important for me to know where I stand, even if we’re not using labels. Can we talk about what commitment looks like for both of us right now?"

Explain how their actions match their words. Are they consistently texting you back? Making you a true part of their life and not just compartmentalizing time for late-night hangouts? Are they respecting the boundaries you’ve set and reciprocating emotional availability? These are forms of non-verbal commitment. Asking for clarity on these behaviors shows you want genuine connection, not ambiguity.

You can also set your own boundaries as a demonstration of self-respect. Tell them, "I value exclusivity even without a label. How do you feel about that?" This approach challenges them to address the reality of the relationship, not just the comfortable parts. If their words and behavior don’t line up, recognize it as your cue. Action is the best proof. Consistent communication, willingness to discuss difficult topics, introducing you to friends, or making plans for the near future—all are tangible signs they’re committed to you, label or not.

Honesty about your needs is powerful. If what you crave is emotional support or regular check-ins, you can articulate that without demanding a title. Example: "I’d like to know I’m not just an option for you. What can we both do to make sure we’re respecting each other's time and feelings?" By voicing this, you set a healthy tone for the developing relationship—and give yourself the clarity to step back if those needs aren’t being met.

Situationships thrive in ambiguity, but that doesn’t mean you have to. It’s your right to ask for what makes you feel safe, respected, and seen. If the other person isn’t interested in meeting you halfway, you’ve learned something valuable: you might need to make space for someone who is.

Decluttering your emotional world is just as important as organizing your physical space. By having these conversations and making sure actions follow words, you cut through uncertainty and protect your peace of mind. Remember, asking for proof of commitment is about creating an environment where you can feel secure, not about forcing a timeline or playing games.

If you find yourself in recurring situationship confusion, consider support designed for your experience. notBf is an AI companion built for young women navigating modern dating, helping you tackle these exact questions and guiding you to clarity in your relationships. It’s the only hyper-personalized tool of its kind, helping you unlock real answers and declutter your emotional life.