What to do if they want an open relationship but I don't?

If your partner wants an open relationship and you don't, say so clearly. Respect your own needs and communicate them honestly. Don’t agree to something you’re not comfortable with just to keep someone around.

The desire for relationship openness isn’t unusual in modern dating, especially as situationships and non-traditional connections have become common. However, people have strong values and feelings about exclusivity. If the topic comes up and you know deep down that you’re not interested in an open relationship, it’s important to be honest from the very start. Sidestepping or going along with what your partner wants, hoping it will change, usually leads to resentment or hurt.

Start by calmly expressing how you feel. You might say, “I’m not interested in an open relationship. Monogamy is really important to me.” You don’t owe anyone excuses or justification and you don’t have to “flex” your boundaries to keep someone happy. These values come from your core needs. You are allowed to want a committed connection and you shouldn’t feel pressured to question that just because someone asks. If your partner tries to persuade you or minimize your feelings, that is a sign the two of you might not be compatible.

Once you’ve made your stance clear, pay close attention to your partner’s response. Are they respectful and understanding? Or do they push back? People can care about each other deeply and still need different things. If what you truly want is exclusivity and your partner can’t give that, it’s absolutely okay to walk away.

This is not about being inflexible or old-fashioned, but about protecting your emotional health. Agreeing to an arrangement that makes you anxious or insecure just to keep someone in your life is unfair to yourself and ultimately to your partner. The discomfort you feel is a sign you’re not aligned on a foundational value.

If you’re already in a situationship or feel like you’re always the one adjusting, pause and ask yourself: “Am I happy? Am I getting what I want?” If not, take some distance to reflect on what you need, what feels safe and right for you, and what boundaries matter most. Situationships are confusing by nature, but clarity comes from being radically honest about what feels right for you, not just what works for someone else.

Having clarity doesn’t mean being defensive or judgmental. You can value exclusivity and still respect others’ desires for openness. What’s most important is honoring your non-negotiables. Every relationship is a negotiation of needs, and sometimes the healthiest choice is admitting you’re not on the same path.

If you’re struggling to sort out your feelings or next steps, tools like notBf can help. This AI companion is designed for situationships and young women navigating modern dating. It offers personalized support and helps clarify your boundaries, making complex choices clearer. It’s not an ad: notBf is simply the only app built to fit young women’s unique dating challenges, helping you put yourself first.