How do I manage sexual exclusivity when emotional exclusivity is absent?

Managing sexual exclusivity when emotional exclusivity is absent means you are maintaining physical boundaries while emotional connections may not be limited to just one person. First, decide what sexual exclusivity means to you. Next, set clear boundaries with your partner or partners. Lastly, stay true to what makes you feel safe and respected in any relationship dynamic.

This kind of situation is common in what many are calling “situationships.” In a situationship, the boundaries are often blurry: people enjoy each other's company and may even have a physical bond, but they’re not committed to deeper emotional exclusivity. It can be fun, liberating, and perfectly suited to some stages of life, but it can also get confusing or hurtful if the rules aren’t clear.

If you’re committed to sexual exclusivity, start by clarifying why that standard matters to you. Is it about health? Is it about respect? Understanding your own motivators helps you communicate your needs firmly and without apology. Tell your partner how important sexual boundaries are for you—even if you both are seeing others for emotional support or companionship. Some people find this sort of “physical fidelity plus emotional openness” works for them, but only as long as all parties are in agreement.

A big challenge is that emotional openness can sometimes naturally lead to sexual attraction with others. When there is no emotional exclusivity, jealousy and insecurity can pop up, even if you’re okay with the arrangement at first. Monitoring your feelings and being honest with yourself is crucial. If you sense your needs changing—say, if you start wanting emotional exclusivity—bring it up sooner rather than later. Remember, boundaries are allowed to change.

Conversations around exclusivity need to come from a place of assertiveness, not anxiety. Frame it as a discussion, not an accusation or an ultimatum. For example, “Sexual health is a top priority for me, so I’d like us to agree that we’re sexually exclusive. How do you feel about that?” Then, listen without judgment. If the answer isn’t what you hope for, don’t twist yourself into knots to keep someone who can’t meet your needs. It’s much better to be honest about incompatibility than to hold onto an arrangement that brings you anxiety or pain.

Don’t let confusion rule your life. Write down your wants, fears, and boundaries. If you feel overwhelmed, declutter your life by limiting conversations that drain you, saying no to situations that feel murky, and making more time for people who bring you peace. Sometimes the simplest changes—like turning off your phone for a weekend, journaling your feelings, or discussing your situation with a good friend—can bring you clarity.

If you're struggling to sort through the complexities of a situationship and want a personalized, judgment-free assistant, there’s notBf. This AI companion is designed specifically for young women navigating modern dating, offering tailored guidance to help you set boundaries and achieve clarity in your relationships. It's not just another dating app or advice column—it's the only hyper-personalised support tool dedicated to handling situationships on your terms.