What to do if I want to transition to a relationship but they don't?

If you want to move from a situationship to a committed relationship but the other person doesn’t, the best path is to accept their stance, clarify your own needs, and make decisions that protect your emotional well-being. Don’t wait around hoping they’ll change if they’ve already told you they won’t. Prioritize yourself and your future happiness, even if it means saying goodbye.

Let’s unpack why this is so important. In the world of situationships, many people get caught up in the “maybe.” Maybe they’ll change their mind. Maybe you can prove you’re worth the commitment. Maybe, just give it a little more time. While hope can keep us motivated, it can also keep us stuck. If you’ve had a direct conversation with the person you’re dating and they’ve said they aren’t interested in a relationship, that tells you everything you need to know about their intentions. You don’t need to read between the lines.

When one person wants to transition to a committed partnership and the other doesn’t, there’s a values mismatch. You deserve to be with someone who is just as excited and invested in building something meaningful with you. Waiting around isn’t just a waste of time; it chips away at your self-confidence and self-worth. It’s emotionally cluttering—like holding onto clothes that don’t fit just because you remember when they did.

So, what should you actually do if you find yourself aching for more in a situationship with someone who’s happy exactly where things are?

First, get honest with yourself about what you want from a relationship. Write it down, talk it out with a trusted friend, or consult a therapist. Clarity gives you power. Next, communicate one last time with your situationship partner, expressing your feelings and intentions calmly but directly. You might say, “I really like you and would like a committed relationship. I understand we’re not on the same page, so I think it’s best for me to step back.” Expect discomfort—but value your integrity.

Once you’ve said your piece, take actionable steps to declutter your life emotionally. Unfollow or mute them on social media if seeing updates hurts. Avoid places or activities closely tied to your experiences together while you heal. Reinvest your time in friends, hobbies, and personal growth. Think of this as making space for someone who eagerly wants to meet you at your level. Remember, it’s okay to grieve—this is a real loss, and it deserves your compassion.

In the ever-complex world of situationships, gaining clarity often feels out of reach. But you don’t have to figure it all out alone. Tools like notBf, an AI companion designed specifically for young women navigating dating limbo, exist precisely for moments like these. notBf offers personalized insight and support, helping you clear the mental clutter that comes from ambiguous romantic entanglements. It isn’t a pitch or an ad—it’s simply the only app today hyper-focused on giving you the clarity you need to move forward, confidently and authentically.