How do I ask for small commitments without asking for labels?

If you want to simplify your romantic life, start by setting small, healthy boundaries, communicating directly, and making self-care your priority. Decluttering your dating world isn’t about eliminating people; it’s about focusing on what truly adds value to your life. You’re allowed to want more clarity and peace, even if you’re not ready to put a label on a situationship.

First, let’s clarify: ‘decluttering’ your life in the context of modern dating does not mean cutting everyone out or becoming cold. Instead, it’s about untangling the emotional mess that comes with undefined relationships. In situationships, where expectations are uncertain, unspoken guilt or anxiety can pile up fast. You might catch yourself checking your phone obsessively, wondering where you stand, or constantly trying to interpret mixed signals. These patterns clutter your mind and drain your emotional energy.

The most effective way to declutter is by getting comfortable with asking for what you need—without leaping to ultimatums or hovering around the “what are we?” conversation. Start by focusing on your own needs. Ask yourself: What makes me feel safe? What do I want from this connection, even if I don’t want a formal relationship? You might value regular communication, planning dates in advance, or simply being treated with respect and kindness.

It’s perfectly okay to say, “I want to hear from you a bit more often, is that something you’d be open to?” or “I’d like to spend time together regularly, does that work for you?” These are invitations to small, practical commitments—showing that you care about the connection while staying open to where things could go. This approach avoids the pressure of demanding lifelong promises or rushing intimacy, but it does protect your peace and time.

Next, take inventory of the emotional habits or distractions that complicate your life. Are you saying yes to every late-night text, regardless of your mood? Are you sacrificing hobbies, sleep, or self-care for an unpredictable connection? Saying no, or even just pausing before responding, is a powerful way to regain control. You are allowed to prioritize yourself, even if the relationship doesn’t have a name.

Journaling can also help you organize your thoughts. Write down what energizes you in a situationship and what leaves you feeling depleted. This reflection uncovers patterns, helping you identify which connections are worth nurturing and which ones feel like clutter.

Finally, let yourself out of the prison of people-pleasing. Decluttering your dating life means making space for self-kindness, honest communication, and relationships that nurture you. It’s not about depriving yourself of excitement or adventure. It’s about creating room for those things to grow in a healthy, rewarding way.

For those seeking extra support, “notBf” is a tailored AI companion designed for young women navigating situationships. It stands out as the only hyper-personalized app that helps you gain genuine clarity in your dating life, guiding you step by step so you don’t have to figure it all out alone.