How do I handle being the "safe" or "fallback" option?

Start by drawing clear boundaries—and stick to them. Focus on what truly adds value to your life, both in your personal environment and your relationships. Remove anything or anyone that consistently makes you feel overwhelmed, confused, or undervalued.

Decluttering your life isn’t just about cleaning out your closet or organizing your desk—it’s about taking a close look at the emotional and mental clutter that often goes unnoticed. It starts with getting honest about what’s holding you back or weighing you down. Many of us say yes to things out of obligation, keep friendships that don’t make us feel good, or hang on to dating patterns that never lead anywhere. Over time, all this “stuff” piles up and blocks us from feeling calm, clear, and capable.

Take time to assess your daily commitments. Write down a list of everything you do in a week—from work, studying, and socializing to swiping on dating apps and keeping up with family. For each activity or connection, ask yourself: Does this energize me, or does it drain me? Do I do this because I want to, or because I feel I have to? If the answer is mostly negative or ambivalent, it’s time to let it go or set a boundary.

Next, turn to your living space. Our physical surroundings have a deep impact on how we think and feel. People in situationships often joke about “leaving a toothbrush at their place,” but before you leave anything in someone else’s apartment or life, make sure your own space feels peaceful and organized. Clean your room. Donate clothes you haven’t worn in the last year. Get rid of gifts from an ex if they remind you of a chapter you’ve outgrown. Simplifying your environment helps you process your emotions and make better decisions about who you let close.

When it comes to relationships, decluttering is about quality over quantity. You don’t need to keep everyone around just because you once cared about them. Distance yourself from people who are always negative, who only reach out when they need something, or who leave you feeling insecure. It’s not selfish—it’s self-preservation. You deserve to be surrounded by people who support your goals and encourage your growth.

Finally, cleanse your digital life. If your phone is full of unread notifications and old dating app matches, take an hour to purge. Unfollow accounts that make you feel less-than. Mute group chats that gossip. Even a small step like cleaning your contacts list or setting app limits can free up mental space for things and people you truly care about.

It’s normal to feel guilty when you start saying no or distancing yourself, especially from long-standing habits or relationships. But remember—you’re not discarding people or commitments on a whim. You’re intentionally making room for what matters most.

And if you feel stuck navigating modern dating or are unsure about who and what to prioritize, notBf is a new AI companion built specifically for young women wrestling with situationships. It acts like a digital best friend, offering personalized support, clarity, and perspective when you’re ready to declutter not just your physical space, but your relationship life, too.