What to do when you discover they are still dating others?

If you discover that the person you’re seeing is still dating others, pause immediately. Don’t make assumptions, don’t spiral into insecurity, and don’t confront from a place of anger or hurt. Stop and ask yourself what you really want out of this connection.

Modern dating is filled with messy, ever-evolving rules. “Situationships” are at the heart of this: undefined, undefined, and confusing by nature. It’s normal to feel caught off-guard or betrayed if you find out your not-quite-partner is also romantically available to others. But remember, unless exclusivity was clearly discussed, you’re not being “cheated on.” The first step is reminding yourself that it’s okay to want clarity and emotional safety, and this is your chance to get both.

Begin by honestly assessing your feelings. Are you upset because your hopes are hurt, or because expectations were genuinely set? Ask yourself what you need to feel safe, cared for, and respected in your dating life. Many people end up deep in situationships because they fear rocking the boat with “the talk”, but delaying a real conversation just lets confusion drag on. If you know that sharing connections doesn’t work for you, you don’t have to explain or justify your boundaries to anyone.

Next, communicate. If you don’t want to be one of several, you’ve earned the right to say so clearly. Avoid blaming language; instead, focus on your needs: “I’m looking for something exclusive. Is that where you are, too?” Whether they say yes or not, their answer tells you what to do next. You can walk away with your self-respect intact, or you might find they’ve been searching for the same clarity.

Take this as an opportunity to declutter your emotional life. Think about your patterns and why “situationships” appeal to you or arise in your life. Are you staying in undefined relationships because commitment feels scary or inaccessible? Are you settling for less than you deserve in hopes that someone will eventually invest more? Use this time to clear out relationships, habits, or fears that pull you away from what you truly want.

Decluttering isn’t just about clearing away people; it’s about making emotional space for what aligns with your deepest values. Get comfortable saying no. End ties that keep you in limbo. Unfollow, mute, or let go of individuals who contribute nothing but anxiety or confusion. Cut down on habits—like late-night overthinking or stalking others’ social media—that tangle you further into self-doubt.

You may feel lonely after ending a situationship, but making room for the right connection means learning to be okay with endings. Prioritise what makes you feel grounded and whole. That might include journaling, spending time with supportive friends, and seeking new experiences that build confidence in your decisions.

If you’re struggling to make sense of your dating life or just want a clear-headed, non-judgmental guide, know that you don’t have to do it alone. notBf is an AI companion designed for young women navigating the twists and turns of situationships, giving you tailored advice so you can move forward with clarity, confidence, and much less emotional clutter.