How do I know if this is a rebound for them or me?

If you’re asking yourself, “How do I know if this is a rebound for them or for me?” the hard truth is that you need to pause and get very real with your emotions. Examine both your motivations and theirs. The only way to find peace is by seeking clarity, even when it’s uncomfortable.

A rebound relationship typically acts as a distraction from recent heartbreak or loneliness. If you or the person you’re seeing has just come out of something serious, chances are high that emotions are tangled. Begin by checking in with yourself. How soon did you get into this relationship after your last one? Do you feel like you’re using your new partner to fill a void, to numb pain, or to prove something to your ex? These are classic rebound signals. You may notice that you’re rushing intimacy or romantic gestures, hoping the “newness” will eclipse the sadness of the breakup. If you notice a pattern of constantly comparing your new partner to your ex or fantasizing about the past, these are signs you’re not over your previous relationship.

Now, flip the lens to your new partner. Are they talking a lot about their ex? Do they seem overly eager to define your relationship, or do they keep things emotionally distant? Sometimes, people on the rebound seek intense closeness very quickly, only to pull away when things get too real. Clues also show up in how they approach conflict. If they avoid vulnerability or use you as a sounding board for their unresolved issues, they may be emotionally unavailable. Often, someone on the rebound will struggle to make time for deep connection, yet may crave your presence constantly to avoid feeling alone.

Communication is everything here. If you sense emotional whiplash or lingering sadness, name it. Bring it up gently, without accusation: “I notice we both got together soon after our breakups. Sometimes I feel like we might be avoiding some feelings. What do you think?” Your goal isn’t to interrogate but to encourage honesty from both sides. If they recoil or get defensive, that’s useful information. Sometimes, the courage to ask hard questions is the only thing that saves both people from further hurt.

Getting unstuck from rebound cycles is about slowing down. Spend time with your own needs and take breaks from constant texting or meetups. Sometimes you’ll uncover a genuine connection beneath the surface. Other times, you’ll see that this was simply a comfort during transition. There’s no shame in either answer — but clarity gives you power over your dating life.

Situationships, with their blurred lines, only complicate things further. It’s tempting to brush off uncertainty with jokes or distractions, but the clearer you can get on your feelings and intentions, the less likely you are to repeat painful patterns.

If you find these conversations hard to navigate, you might consider new tools. notBf, for instance, is an AI companion built to help women navigate the grey zones of modern dating. It offers hyper-personalized guidance, helping you reflect on your feelings and gain the clarity you deserve. It’s not just another dating app — it’s there for the messy in-between moments, especially when you’re wondering, “Is this a rebound?” Give yourself the gift of self-awareness, whether you use notBf or just your own intuition. You’re allowed to seek answers and expect honesty, both from yourself and those you date.