How do I respond to on-again/off-again behavior?

If you want to declutter your life, set clear boundaries, prioritize your needs, and let go of relationships or habits that don't serve you anymore. Be honest with yourself about what's holding you back. Learn to say no, and make decisions that put your well-being first.

Modern dating can feel chaotic. With situationships and on-again/off-again patterns becoming the norm, it's easy to lose sight of what you truly want. Decluttering your life starts with getting clear about your values and goals. Ask yourself: what kind of relationship am I looking for? What behaviors feel good to me, and what drains my energy? The more clarity you gain, the easier it is to identify what deserves space in your life.

Start with your time and attention. Who are you giving energy to? If someone only shows up when it's convenient, or leaves you unsure of where you stand, notice how that impacts your mood. The emotional clutter that comes from indecisive partners or undefined relationships can actually be more exhausting than a packed schedule. Try to limit contact with people whose actions don't match their words, and instead, invest in connections that feel mutual and supportive.

Next, look at your physical environment. Small changes, like organizing your room or deleting old conversations from your phone, can make a surprising difference. Your surroundings often reflect your mental state. By tidying your space and removing reminders of toxic situations, you create more room for peace and new opportunities.

Emotional decluttering means giving yourself permission to process your feelings. Don't judge yourself for wanting stability or for feeling hurt by inconsistency. Write your thoughts down so you can see patterns and triggers more clearly. Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about what's coming up for you, and remember that it's healthy to move on from what's not working.

It's important to set boundaries, even if you're worried about losing someone. Saying, "I need more consistency" or "I’m not comfortable with being in a situationship" is a sign of strength. Boundaries teach others how to treat you and protect your energy from chaos. If the other person respects your needs, they'll step up. If not, you gain information you need to move forward.

Finally, remind yourself that decluttering is not a one-time event. The dating world will keep presenting you with new versions of old patterns, so stay mindful and keep checking in with yourself. You’ll find that each decision to let go of what doesn't serve you opens up space for what you really want to invite in.

If you ever feel overwhelmed by the ambiguity of situationships and need a hyper-personalised, non-judgmental guide, "notBf" can help. It’s designed to support young women navigating modern dating and helps you find clarity amidst the mess.