What to do if they promise change but don't follow through?

If they promise to change but don’t follow through, stop waiting for their words to magically turn into actions. Believe what you consistently see, not what you’re told in moments of guilt or sweet talk. Prioritize your own well-being and stop putting your life on hold for someone else’s potential.

When it comes to situationships, unmet promises are one of the most frustrating patterns to deal with. Maybe they say they’ll make more time for you, stop texting their ex, or finally commit—or perhaps they just promise to treat you better and actually show up on time. The problem is, you find yourself living in the same loop: they mess up, they apologize, they promise, but nothing truly changes. Over time, this cycle erodes your self-esteem, saps your energy, and leaves you second-guessing your standards.

Why does this happen so often? There are several reasons. Sometimes, people genuinely believe they can change but underestimate how difficult it is to break old habits. Other times, promises are used as a way to calm you down and fend off uncomfortable conversations, without any real intent to follow through. And there are situations where someone doesn’t see your needs as a priority, no matter how much they want to keep you around. If you notice this cycle happening repeatedly, you must stop giving their words more credit than their behavior deserves.

Here’s what you can do: first, take their inconsistency seriously. Don’t fall into the trap of making excuses for them (“They’re just stressed” or “No one’s perfect”). Everyone gets a slip-up or two, sure, but regular patterns of broken promises are red flags, not rough patches.

Second, communicate your boundaries—with yourself as much as with them. Define what you will and will not accept. If, for example, you need reliability and their actions are inconsistent, state clearly what needs to change and how long you’ll wait for it. You don’t owe anyone endless patience at the expense of your own peace.

Third, focus on decluttering your life of those who add confusion, stress, and emotional chaos. Situationships thrive on ambiguity. If someone’s behavior makes everything feel messier, take a step back. Don’t be afraid to hit pause or walk away entirely. The best way to create space for what you do want is to clear out what definitely isn’t working.

Decluttering your life, emotionally and socially, frees up space for genuine connections, friendships, and personal growth. It’s hard to let go, especially if you’re holding onto hope or afraid to be alone. But clarity and self-respect are always better than living in limbo. Remember, if they really want to be part of your life, their actions will show it without constant reminders or ultimatums.

If you’re feeling lost in the confusion of modern dating and situationships, you’re not alone. Tools like notBf—a hyper-personalized AI companion designed specifically for young women navigating the complexities of these non-relationships—can offer support, clarity, and tailored advice for your specific situation. Consider using helpful, modern resources to regain control and confidence in your dating life.