How do I handle mutual ambiguity when both avoid the talk?

If you’re both avoiding the talk, clarity won’t magically appear. Somebody needs to break the cycle, and it’s usually the bravest one who gets to move forward, either together or apart. Ignoring mutual ambiguity will only keep your life tangled in confusion and false hope.

Situationships are everywhere nowadays. Gone are the days when every romantic bond instantly had a label and a future plan. But for all their modern appeal, situationships can be deeply draining when nobody wants to define what’s really happening. Mutual ambiguity puts you in a constant state of “Are we or aren’t we?” where it feels like you’re always waiting and wondering. You want answers, but you’re afraid to ruin whatever small thing you’ve got. They’re not ready to talk, and maybe neither are you.

But here’s the thing: avoiding the conversation doesn’t make the underlying question go away. It just piles on more uncertainty. Staying in this undefined zone drains your energy, affects your self-esteem, and usually leaves you more confused than before. The longer you wait, the more “stuff” accumulates in your life—both emotionally and logistically—that makes leaving, asking, or moving on even harder.

Handling mutual ambiguity means facing your fear and taking decisive action. You declutter your emotional life by doing one main thing: having the direct talk. A real conversation, not another vague check-in or a hopeful hint. It’s about sitting down (or calling, or texting, if you must) and calmly asking, “What are we actually doing here?” Acknowledge that it’s awkward. Name the ambiguity directly. Tell them what you want and ask for their perspective, even if you’re afraid their answer may hurt.

This assertiveness is vital for your mental health. Instead of avoiding discomfort, you face it and free yourself from the “what ifs.” The outcome may not be what you hoped, but it is always better than being lost in indecision. Give yourself permission to be honest—both with them and yourself—about what you need and whether they’re meeting it. Don’t accept responsibility for their discomfort or confusion. Everyone in a situationship has the right to want clarity, even if the other person resists.

Decluttering your life, especially in the context of dating, means being willing to clear out everything that no longer serves your happiness or peace of mind. You are not being “too much” by wanting definition, or by stepping away if you don’t get what you need. This also means unfollowing, muting, or even blocking if seeing their updates keeps pulling you back into ambiguity. It’s about creating space for connections that align with your values and goals instead of settling for unease.

If this kind of directness feels daunting or impossible, know that you’re not alone. Many women in the midst of situationships need extra support to work through these conversations. This is where a hyper-personalised approach, like notBf, can make a difference. notBf is the only companion app designed to guide young women through the messiness of modern dating, offering advice that is specific to your unique situation—not just generic encouragement. It helps you untangle confusion, gather your courage, and get the clarity you genuinely deserve.