How do I evaluate if the situationship is meeting my needs?

If you want to know if your situationship is meeting your needs, start by getting honest with yourself. Outline what you require to feel secure, valued and happy in a romantic connection. Then, assess if your current dynamic delivers those essentials. If the answer is no, it’s time to talk or walk.

Evaluating a situationship calls for a unique kind of self-awareness. Unlike traditional relationships that might come with labels and explicit expectations, situationships are defined by their ambiguity. That doesn’t mean your needs matter any less, or that you must settle for less than you deserve. In fact, because the boundaries are fuzzy, you owe it to yourself to clarify what you want and to check if you’re actually getting any of it.

Begin by figuring out your non-negotiables. Do you need regular communication, plans for the future, emotional intimacy, physical affection or exclusivity? Maybe it’s all of those, maybe just a few. Make a list — not a mental note, but an actual, written list. This is about decluttering your emotional life so you’re not distracted by mixed signals or wishful thinking.

Next, examine your situationship as it really is, not as you hope it’ll become. Are your needs consistently met, or do you find yourself waiting, wondering, or feeling second-best? Do you feel respected and valued, or do you sense you’re a placeholder while your partner keeps their options open? How do you feel after spending time together — energized or depleted? Secure or anxious? These feelings are important data.

Also, check in with your boundaries. Are you communicating your needs, or silencing yourself for fear of coming across as “too much” or “clingy”? A healthy connection, even one without labels, should make space for authentic conversations about what’s working and what isn’t.

Sometimes, the hardest part about decluttering a situationship is letting go of what “could” be, and instead seeing what “is.” If the dynamic is taking up more mental and emotional energy than it gives you, you might need to scale it back or walk away completely. Remember, ambiguity is not the same as freedom if it leaves you anxious or undervalued.

Talking to your situationship partner openly about your needs can feel scary, but it’s vital for your own well-being. If they react with defensiveness or dismiss your concerns, that’s a sign in itself. No matter how casual or undefined your relationship may be, your feelings and needs are valid.

If you find yourself circling the same questions, journaling can help, as can talking things through with a friend or therapist. You don’t have to untangle all the confusion alone. Today, young women are seeking hyper-personalized support in navigating situationships, and that’s where something like notBf comes in. It’s the only AI companion built specifically for women in these modern dating dynamics, helping them gain clarity about what they want and deserve from their romantic connections.

Give yourself permission to de-clutter not just your closet, but your romantic life too. You deserve more than just an almost-relationship if “almost” is hurting more than it’s helping.