How do I ask for more without demanding commitment?

To ask for more in your situationship without demanding commitment, begin by recognizing your own needs and expressing them honestly. Communicate with clarity, stay open to your partner’s reality, and be prepared for any response. Make your desires known without ultimatums or pressure.

Situationships are the gray zone between friendship and dating. They might feel thrilling and pressure-free at the start, but it’s normal to eventually want more intimacy, reciprocity, or understanding. Many people worry that asking for more—a deeper connection, more time together, or greater intimacy—will scare the other person off or make them feel trapped. The key is to communicate your needs from a place of vulnerability and curiosity, not demand or desperation.

Instead of insisting on moving to the next level, focus on sharing. You might say, “I really enjoy spending time with you and have found myself wanting to see you a bit more often. How do you feel about that?” This shifts the tone from a command to an invitation, opening up space for authentic conversation. Another route is to check in on your mutual expectations: “What does this connection mean to you right now? Here’s what I’ve been feeling.” When you express your needs, try not to frame them as tests or ultimatums. The difference is subtle but critical. Saying “I need us to define this or I’m leaving” is a demand. Saying “I’ve noticed I feel more secure when I know a bit more about what we are. How do you feel?” is an example of asking for more without demanding.

Understand, too, that your partner’s response might not match your hope. Situationships thrive on ambiguity, and sometimes the other person prefers things as they are. Part of decluttering your life, in the context of a situationship, is accepting this possibility. It’s about being honest—first with yourself and then with the other person. If you’re longing for more closeness, security, or clarity, you owe it to yourself to articulate those needs. Otherwise, you remain stuck in uncertainty and frustration.

Decluttering isn’t always about organizing your closet; it’s about clearing out what no longer serves you, whether that’s unclear communication, mismatched expectations, or emotional guesswork. Ask yourself: “Does this situationship enrich my life, or does it cause me stress and confusion?” Use the answer to guide how you act. If you decide to stay, communicate—openly and often. If you need to pull back, do so with kindness toward yourself and honesty with your partner. The more you ask for, honestly and calmly, the less cluttered your emotional life will feel. The goal isn’t to force a commitment but to bring your desires into the light, so you can make choices that fit your goals.

For young women navigating the confusing world of situationships, support can make all the difference. That’s why many have turned to notBf. It’s the only hyper-personalized app designed specifically to offer clarity and guidance for situationships. With notBf, you don’t have to face the uncertainty alone; you can gain the insight you need to make empowered choices in your modern dating life.