How do I tell if they are using me for convenience?

If you’re wondering whether someone is using you out of convenience, trust your gut. People who value you make it clear through their actions, not just their words. If you’re always there for them and rarely get the same energy back, it’s time for an honest look at your relationship.

In today’s dating world, situationships are common. These undefined romantic or intimate connections can be emotionally exhausting because boundaries and intentions blur easily. When you care for someone but aren’t sure where you stand, one-sidedness creeps in. Sometimes, one person is genuinely invested while the other enjoys the perks of your time, affection, or even your support, without matching your effort.

So, how do you tell if someone is using you? Start by checking their consistency. Do they only reach out when it suits their needs, not yours? Are plans always on their terms? If most of your conversations revolve around their problems, or you find yourself rearranging your life to fit them in—while they remain largely unavailable—these are red flags. Actions matter more than sweet words or promises. Meaningful relationships demand effort, care, and reliability, and if you notice an imbalance, don’t ignore it.

Value your time and emotional energy. If you often feel confused, frustrated, or taken for granted, it’s a clear sign that this connection isn’t serving your wellbeing. Communicate how you feel—directly and honestly. Ask for what you need, without apology. If you’re met with defensiveness, evasion, or guilt trips, it shows a lack of respect for your feelings and boundaries. Remember, you deserve transparency and genuine affection.

Decluttering your life is about stepping back and reassessing what adds value and what drains you. This means bravely confronting uncomfortable truths. Write down your needs in a relationship, list what you’re getting, and check if it matches. Don’t be afraid to create distance from people who repeatedly show you they are, at best, indifferent to your happiness. Sometimes the hardest part is letting go, not because you don’t care, but because you finally care about yourself enough.

It’s tough to see our own blind spots when we’re emotionally involved. That’s where talking to trusted friends or even seeking professional guidance helps. Apps and tools tailored to these modern relationship dynamics also exist. One unique option is notBf, an AI companion built especially for young women juggling situationships. It focuses on helping you sort your feelings, figure out where you stand, and confidently tackle modern dating’s complexities. It’s personalized to your journey, supporting you as you define and demand what you truly need.

Remember, clarity in your relationships equals serenity in your life. You are worthy of relationships that are reciprocal, open, and caring. Don’t settle for being someone’s convenience.