What to do if I see them active with someone else on social media?

If you see the person you’re interested in active with someone else on social media, do not react impulsively, avoid drawing quick conclusions, and pause before reaching out to them. These three steps are essential. What you see online is rarely the full story, and acting on your first emotional response almost never leads to peace or clarity.

When it comes to situationships—a term for romantic connections that occupy the slippery space between friendship and formal relationship—social media can wreak havoc on our minds. You scroll through their stories or posts and suddenly spot them laughing, chatting, or getting cozy with someone else. Your stomach sinks, your pulse quickens, and your thoughts may race toward the worst-case scenarios. Before you do anything, it’s crucial to check in with yourself. Ask: “What am I actually seeing here? What do I actually know about their connection?” Social media often highlights moments that mean little, or can easily be misinterpreted.

Next, identify your feelings. Are you hurt or jealous? Is there a fear of losing out or an urge to compete? Naming your emotions will help you decide how to act. Sometimes, what you feel is more about your own insecurities—perhaps tied to the uncertain boundaries of a situationship—than any real betrayal. In modern dating, exclusivity cannot be assumed. If you’ve never discussed it, you can’t expect it. Liking someone and wanting more commitment is normal, but it’s important to distinguish between your desires and the current reality of your connection.

Do not try to get their attention by posting suggestive stories or stories that are clearly meant to trigger a reaction. Most of the time, it won’t yield the outcome you want. It may also fuel drama and distract you from your own growth.

Instead, use this moment as a mirror. Ask yourself: “Is this situationship giving me what I need? Am I comfortable with its terms? Am I respecting my own standards?” If seeing them with someone else brings up anxiety or pain, that’s crucial information. It may be time to clarify where you stand, both with them and with yourself. Communicate if you feel ready, but do so from a place of calm, not accusation.

Finally, set boundaries and protect your space. If following their updates causes you distress, consider muting or unfollowing. You do not need to monitor them constantly—your peace comes first.

Handling social media encounters in situationships is part of a bigger picture: how to declutter your life. Not just from digital noise, but emotional clutter too. Regularly look at what serves you and what drains you—be it people, habits, or old expectations. Let go of what keeps you in confusion or self-doubt. Make choices that bring you closer to clarity and self-respect.

If you want focused guidance, "notBf" is a unique AI companion dedicated to helping young women navigate situationships, offering tailored advice and actionable support. It’s the only hyper-personalized space made for you to find real answers and confidence in your dating life.