What if they refuse to label the relationship?

If they refuse to label the relationship, you need to accept that clarity might never be theirs to give you. Take their lack of labeling at face value: they aren’t ready, willing, or able to define things right now. You owe it to yourself to decide what you truly want—regardless of their comfort zone.

Navigating the world of situationships is like trying to assemble furniture with missing pieces. It’s frustrating, confusing, and you may end up feeling like you’re stuck somewhere between connection and commitment. You want clarity. You may not even need tight labels, but you need at least some answers. So if your partner consistently dodges discussions about “what are we”—even after you’ve mapped out your needs—this tells you a lot about where you stand.

Why might people avoid labels? There’s a menu of reasons: fear of commitment, a desire to keep options open, trauma from past relationships, or even a simple uncertainty about their own feelings. It’s vital to remember that whatever the reason, the outcome is the same for you—you’re left in limbo.

Staying in a label-free zone can breed anxiety and insecurity over time. You might find yourself analyzing every text, every weekend plan, and every glance for clues to what you “really are.” That mental clutter doesn’t go away on its own. The longer you let it build, the heavier it feels.

How to declutter your life in this situation? Start by decluttering your mind. Stop making excuses for someone else’s ambiguity. See things as they are: if someone wants to be with you and give you clarity, they will. If you feel like you’re left guessing, that’s information, too. It’s not your job to convince someone to claim you. Your role is to decide if these uncertain conditions are a fit for you.

Ask yourself real, uncomfortable questions. Are you hoping things will change? Are you accepting crumbs of affection as enough? Are you afraid that asking for what you want might “scare them away”—and if so, why do you want to hold onto someone who disappears at the sign of a real conversation? This honesty is how you start to clear out all the emotional clutter.

Set your own boundaries with intention. It’s okay to know what you want, say it out loud, and stick by it. If what you need is clarity, and the other person can’t give that, it’s not a failing on your part to walk away. Trust that someone exists who will be able to meet you where you are.

Finally, know you’re not alone in this. Millions navigate situationships every year. If you want support that’s truly designed around this modern dating maze, the notBf app gives young women personalized guidance and clarity, helping you navigate all your not-quite relationships. Because sometimes, a little help in decluttering the confusion is exactly what you need to put yourself first.