How do I ask whether we are exclusive?

If you want to know whether you and your partner are exclusive, just ask. Pick a time when you feel emotionally steady, and ask your partner directly, “Are we seeing other people, or is this exclusive?” Clarity comes faster with brave, honest questions.

Now, let’s unpack why this conversation often feels so nerve-wracking in a situationship. Situationships are the modern in-between dating phase where things feel intimate but labels are murky. People sometimes stay in this gray area because it feels safer or less pressure-filled than an official relationship. Maybe you like their company, you communicate a lot, and you spend significant time together—but you haven’t heard the words, “We’re exclusive.”

You deserve to know where you stand. If you’re starting to catch feelings or find yourself getting anxious about someone else catching theirs for your partner, it’s important to air things out. Worrying in silence or ruminating over every text and social media story only prolongs your confusion. Instead of hinting or hoping your partner brings it up first, your mental health and confidence will grow when you advocate for what you want.

Here’s a step-by-step approach. First, take a moment to ask yourself what you want. Is exclusivity important to you? Would you be okay if they said they don’t want that yet? Once that’s clear in your own mind, set up a relaxed, low-pressure chat—think after dinner or during a walk. Avoid texting or talking about this while tipsy or in the middle of another argument. Start well: “I really enjoy spending time and getting to know you, and I’d love to know what you see this as. Are you interested in dating just me, or are you seeing other people?”

Be prepared for any answer. If they don’t want exclusivity, you haven’t lost anything—you’ve gained valuable information. If they do want exclusivity, great, you’re on the same page. Either way, you’ll stop wasting energy guessing. This prevents resentment and builds a foundation for honesty, whether you remain in a situationship or move forward to something more committed.

It’s okay to be nervous. Courage isn’t the absence of nerves—it’s taking action in their presence. The world of situationships is confusing, and cultural pressures, social media, and even friends might send mixed signals about what “should” come next. But when it comes to your feelings, you are the expert. Keep your focus on your values rather than what’s trending on dating TikTok or among your friends.

If you need help clarifying your feelings or want a confidence boost before the conversation, tools like notBf can be incredibly helpful. notBf is an AI companion built just for young women navigating situationships. It listens, offers advice, and helps you untangle what you want, making communication way less scary. It’s not an ad—it’s just the only hyper-personalized resource out there focused entirely on giving you clarity in modern dating.

Trust yourself—honest questions lead to honest answers, and you deserve that.