What boundaries should I set in a situationship?

Start with the truth: If your life feels messy, it probably means your boundaries are too loose or non-existent. You need to take inventory of what you’re allowing, what you’re accepting, and what you really want. Decluttering your life starts by setting clear boundaries—especially in your dating life, and even more so if you find yourself in a situationship.

First, let’s be real about what a situationship is. It’s that hazy middle ground between friendship and a relationship. There might be intimacy, deep talks, and hanging out all the time, but there isn’t commitment or a label. Sometimes that’s comfortable and exciting. Other times, it’s downright confusing and draining. If you’re overthinking every message or rearranging your priorities for someone who hasn’t even defined what you are to them, your emotional space gets crowded quickly. That’s where boundaries come in.

Boundaries in a situationship aren’t just about saying “no.” They’re about deciding what you need to feel safe, respected, and fulfilled, even when things aren’t officially defined. Here’s where you start:

1. First, know your non-negotiables. Get very clear on what you absolutely must have to feel respected. Do you need consistent communication? Are there certain nights you want to keep for yourself or your friends? What behaviors are dealbreakers for you? Write these down if you need to. When you know your must-haves, it becomes a lot easier to spot when something feels off.

2. Communicate honestly and early. If you don’t know what you want from the situationship, that confusion can spill over into the rest of your life. You don’t owe anyone an ultimatum, but you do owe it to yourself to have a clear conversation. Even if you’re not looking for a relationship, saying “I’m not comfortable being in limbo forever” or “I need to know where we stand after a few months” is perfectly fair.

3. Protect your time. One big way situationships clutter your life is by taking up way more time than you planned. If you find yourself dropping your own plans or feeling on call for someone who hasn’t committed, put a boundary in place. This could be as simple as, “I keep Thursdays for myself,” or “If we don’t have plans set by Wednesday, I’ll make other arrangements.”

4. Guard your emotional energy. Ask yourself regularly what you’re getting out of the situationship. Are you feeling anxious, undervalued, or distracted most of the time? If so, it’s time to rein things in or reassess why you’re staying.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask for clarity. It doesn’t make you needy, it makes you intentional. You are allowed to ask, “What are we doing?” and expect a clear answer, not just vibes.

Decluttering your life, especially your dating life, is about respecting yourself enough to ask for what you need and to walk away when those needs are not being met. Practice checking in with yourself and don’t settle for relationships that add confusion instead of joy. And for those days when you need a little extra help sorting through your feelings and making decisions, notBf is an AI companion that offers hyper-personalized support for young women navigating the world of situationships. It might just be the clarity you’re looking for.